Unloading.Analyzing.Speaking to Myself?

Yesterday, the gospel was about the Good Samaritan.  I thought it was just me who thought that the priest was speaking in a monotone, thus almost lulling me to sleep. The content in itself was good (thankfully I was still able to understand it; I was already confessing in my mind because I felt terrible about my inattention).

Weirdly enough, on the same Sunday, National Geographic was showing a documentary on Palestinians living in Jordan.  They are not just being shunned by the Jordanians but also treated like they are less than human.  I could not understand the Middle Eastern conflicts, how they can choose to kill each other when they could live together.  I mean, they do not have to befriend each other if they really cannot do that sincerely enough, but why kill?  Of course historians will then interrupt my thoughts with explanations of the deeply rooted hatred between Israeli and Palestinians.  Yes, I understand it goes a long way back, but why does it have to continue? I have to walk in their shoes if I really have to feel the way they feel and think the way they think. Being part Jewish with an Arabic name makes me want to understand.

Speaking of things that I cannot understand, Philippine politics is confusing.  Yesterday as well, Filipinos who are against the new Human Security law headed for Mendiola to protest.  The weird thing is that it was supposed to be the "Protest Against the Anti-Terror Law".  Should it have been rephrased because this sounded like the Protest for Terror.  I am no political expert and am just basing my observations on the words used.  I also wonder how many of the people headed for the streets know ALL THE CLAUSES of the Law they are protesting against.  I wonder if it should be a requirement.  For many years, it has never been… *sigh*

I was born in Naga City.  After that, I basically had most of my childhood in Legazpi.  My teenage years were spent in the Caribbean, then my college years back in Naga City.  Metro Manila is mostly my mother’s hometown and a place I go to for shopping (for books, really).  I am still feeling lost here in the metro.  Thankfully, with a few times that I got lost and times I asked for directions, I now have a clearer idea on how to get around (at least to places I HAVE to go to).  I still need to get used to all the walking.  It is a far cry from my life in Dominica, where my dad used to drive me to and pick me up from school.  I have to quit calling for cabs because it really is expensive and risky when you have absolutely no idea about routes.  A city atlas helps me out with that now.  I have to make use of that "A" I got in high school geography. I am so grateful to the LRT/MRT. 

BIG GIRLS DON’T CRY

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You’re probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS:]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal, myself and I
We’ve got some straightenin’ out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry

The path that I’m walking

I must go alone
I must take the baby steps ’til I’m full grown, full grown
Fairytales don’t always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We’ll play jacks and uno cards
I’ll be your best friend and you’ll be mine Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
‘Cause I want to hold yours too
We’ll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it’s time for me to go home
It’s getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]

La Da Da Da Da Da

U + UR HAND

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Check it out
Going out
On the late night
Looking tight
Feeling nice
It’s a **** fight
I can tell
I just know
That it’s going down
Tonight
At the door we don’t wait cause we know them
At the bar six shots just beginning
That’s when dick head put his hands on me
But you see

I’m not here for your entertainment
You don’t really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it’s over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonight

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh

Midnight
I’m drunk
I don’t give a ***k
Wanna dance
By myself
Guess you’re outta luck
Don’t touch
Back up
I’m not the one
Buh bye
Listen up it’s just not happening
You can say what you want to your boyfriends
Just let me have my fun tonight
Aiight

I’m not here for your entertainment
You don’t really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it’s over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonight

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Break break
Break it down

In the corner with your boys you bet ‘em five bucks
You’d get the girl that just walked in but she thinks you suck
We didn’t get all dressed up just for you to see
So quit spilling your drinks on me yeah

You know who you are
High fivin, talking ****, but you’re going home alone arentcha?

Cause I’m not here for your entertainment
No
You don’t really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it’s over
Know it’s over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonight
It’s just you and your hand

I’m not here for your entertainment
No no no
You don’t really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
Just take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it’s over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonight
Yeah oh

I just had my 26th birthday a couple days ago.  Some friends surprised me at my home. *Thanks bathmaks hehe*

I wouldn’t say that "Confessions of a Shopaholic" is a book that tells my story.  Unlike the main character, I am not in any kind of debt whatsoever (I do not even own a credit card; it sort of scares me -the credit card i mean, not the lack of one), unless you can count the "debt" a child supposedly owes his or her parents that can only be "paid" by being a parent as well.  At least that is how my mom puts it.  But that’s a different story as cliches go…

When it comes to books however, I am not my frugal self.  I swear I am sort of an addict, who just have to buy a book even though I still have books I have not read at home.  It is not the same with clothes.  I love them but I can talk myself into just walking pass the store and going home…at once! Of course, I have reservations for the latest Harry Potter.  I have completed the Sandman graphic novel collection and have almost done the same with my Fables graphic novels. If I had stayed in Naga and not sold my books to the market, I would still have tons of books.  My mom freaked out when she went back home here in the Philippines for my wedding and saw that every corner of the apartment has books.=)

My husband shares my passion.  He also has a lot of books, mostly non-fiction however.  Putting together my books and his is not an easy feat if you still want your home to be organized and attractive.  At least at the moment it is still very neat everywhere.  We would be needing another bookshelf soon, I think.

Now, when you are a bookworm, it does not help that you live just above the mall.  We are living in a condo unit on the 36th floor and I just have to take an elevator downstairs (of course, who would try the stairs!), pass one hallway, open one door and tada…I am in the mall. *sigh* Think National Bookstore, Powerbooks and even Booksale… I barely go out of the condo unit especially since I am currently temporarily unemployed and have not started graduate studies yet. So, I am a Shop-Bookworm-aholic Hermit. There.

Being a new wife, I now welcome the possibility of a baby.  Many of my friends or batchmates have their babies already.  At 26, my mom had a four-year old (yours truly) and a one year old(my brother). Times are changing though.  Many are afraid to even tie the knot, whether it be because of financial worries or other apprehensions, or even because people still want to enjoy singlehood.  When you are in a marriage, your salary is no longer yours alone, but your spouse’s as well. 

Now, let us go back to the topic of babies.  Both of my parents have twin relatives.  In fact, my grandfather (my father’s father) had a twin brother.  They also have another pair of twin siblings: one male and one female. My mom has an uncle who has a twin sister.  She told me that when she was pregnant with my brother, she prayed for twins because she cannot have another operation after that.  It was a caesarian operation performed by my dad on my mom.  In fact, he did both of my mom’s C-sections. What doubled the risk was my mom’s congenital heart problem and scoliosis.

Fast forward more than twenty years later, I am married to my husband whose family also has several twin births. 

Twins and other multiples are really fascinating.  There are identical and fraternal twins.  Identical twins come from one egg and one sperm.  On the other hand, fraternal twins are just like any other pair of siblings.  They come from two different sets of egg and sperm. (In fact, fraternal twins can have two different fathers! Shocking I know…but possible for women with multiple partners and predisposition to multiple births). It just so happens that the fertilization occurs at about the same time since the eggs are released simultaneously. This also leads to having the babies develop inside two separate placentas.  Identical twins share one placenta, and are therefore closer. However, observations can make us conclude that after awhile the "identical twins" may not be so identical after all.  One would be a bit bigger or taller. One may have a birthmark, and so on.  Scientists are then more comfortable in calling them "monozygotic twins" or twins formed from one zygote (one set fertilized egg and sperm).

There are still more things to discuss about multiples.  I just can’t help but share some facts.  I would love to have identical twins, but having monozygotic twins  does not depend on genes at all.

It is my favorite poem from when I was taking Literature in high school.  It is a metaphysical poem which talks about evil as being beautiful, and tempting but ultimately destructive.  Blake questions whether the same God created good and evil.

THE TYGER (from Songs Of Experience)

By William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

For someone who has not had a vacation since 2000 (because of classes, summer jobs in my dad’s clinic, summer classes and other involvements) being temporarily unemployed is a cause of extreme boredom and a bit of dismay.  My first job was as a receptionist/secretary at my dad’s clinic in the Caribbean.  This was after sixth form college and before university.  The year was 2000. I felt grateful to have parents who have introduced to me the value of work.  During the time, however, I was not able to appreciate this.  I was a bit scornful because of the fact that I had to wait for my younger brother to finish high school before I can go to university and study the course of my choice. Now, I look back at the long hours I worked (7:30am-7:00pm, Monday to Saturday) as practice… 

When I was finally studying for my Bachelor’s degree, I was restless and went on to join extracurricular organizations.  Eventually, I became President of the Supreme Student Government while maintaining a place in the dean’s list and taking a time-consuming, creativity-squeezing course, Digital Illustration and Animation.  Right after graduation, I got a teaching job in the department of Digital Arts and Computer Animation.

In April 2007, I resigned after two semesters.  I got married.  Now, I am living in Manila, still thinking of the job I should go for.  I know that I am going to pursue a Masters degree in Mathematics.  I really want to so much.  So, I have to get a job that will complement the course and at the same time, I have to make sure that I can handle both.  It is the first time in my life that I have almost three months of vacation.  It feels weird.

Enough about me.  There are so many angles to explore when it comes to job search.  My friends and former batchmates and classmates all contribute to how I see jobs.  There were those who got what they want: a job they enjoy, is related to their field and is paying well.  There were those who are 50/50: They either have a job related to their field and the pay is terrible OR they have a completely unrelated job that is paying for bills and more…

The thing is we cannot judge any of the above mentioned before we get to know what their situation is about.  Many of my former classmates who do get a job related to their field may stick up their noses and snub those who got what they felt are inferior jobs. In my opinion, there are no inferior jobs unless they are illegal or are exploiting people.   Take for example call centers, people think that it does not promote growth, that it makes people dull.  However, think about it…  Are you "growing" in your job of choice?  Or are you sitting in front of a PC waiting for the day to be through so you can go home? chatting/gossiping with officemates? hogging the office phone?  Before you judge other jobs, think of your own.  What makes one not grow in call centers is not really the job itself.  In fact, the people working for call centers practice problem solving skills and improve their EQ and people skills.  The problem lies in the fact that some get stuck in this situation, content with getting a monthly salary and spending them all (the night life, the expensive goodies and electronics as rewards).  But this is also true to other jobs.  If I keep teaching the same thing to my students without researching for updated information, I am not growing.  If I keep on drawing the same types of things everyday or keep on being given other people’s storyboards, am I really growing? TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST, WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN JUDGE FOR OURSELVES IF WE ARE "GROWING"…We may not understand a math teacher who remains one for so long, not being promoted to chairperson or dean but is happy to have learned a new technique to make students learn the subject better.  We may not understand a graphic artist who smiles every time he sees his work used as a billboard ad because people do not really know that he made it; he gets paid less than 15k a month for what has given his company hundreds of thousands, even millions.  We may not understand an actress who stops starring in blockbuster films to test her acting ability in indie.  We may not understand a personal assistant who looks like a well-dressed maid but is happy with her job because she is the breadwinner of her family and is successful at that.  We may not understand…so let us stop judging…

So how about my job search?  I am actually considering a call center job.  I think that it can support my desire to go for further studies.  You may not understand…

I have been myopic since I was in fourth grade.  I didnt know there was anything wrong with me. I just couldnt see the writings on the blackboard and had to go in front just to copy the notes.  My teacher informed my mom about it and I ended up becoming  four-eyed, with these huge pair of pink-framed eyeglasses.  One eye was about -3.00 diopters (or grade 300) and the other was -4.00 diopters (400).  During that time I was just relieved that I got eyeglasses.  I was neither concerned about what other people say nor aware of the other health risks involved when your eyeballs are becoming more elongated. 

At age sixteen, I felt blessed when I had my first pair of contact lenses.  Many people had told me that my best feature are my big, brown eyes.  There are many Filipinos with brown eyes, but mine are a lighter shade though not as light as my mother’s hazel ones.  So, of course, I did not go for the colored pairs.  People are already unsure about my natural color, why feed their suspicions? Though green colored ones are very tempting…

Now, at almost 26, both of my eyes are at -6.00 diopters(600!).  A person is considered midly myopic at -3.00 or less.  Medium myopia is > -3.00 to -6.00.  I just barely maintained medium myopia.  High myopia is more than -6.00.  I have heard of people with -2400 diopters!!! That is almost being blind.  In fact, contact lenses are available only up to -11.00 diopters.  Obviously, I have been researching on myopia.  Now, I am worried about macular degeneration and detachment of the retina…things that could happen when you are extremely myopic.  This means blindness, folks.  I am so worried that I also researched on natural ways to improve eyesight (LASIK surgery corrects the refraction and enables the patient to see clearly but does not correct the elongated eyeballs).  There are some eye exercises that a person can do plus vitamins that one should take (A, C, E and lutein)…So, veggies are your best bet.=)

anyway, I could update you if the theories are right.  Computers are one of the causes of myopic progression…ahh too bad.  I am supposed to be an animator(take note, DIA pipz).