Unloading.Analyzing.Speaking to Myself?

I am taking a Masters in Mathematics(36 units; supposedly 42 units but I passed the English entrance exam so I do not have to take two Advanced Technical writing courses), but since my bachelor’s degree is not Math, I had to take a non-thesis course.  This means I have to take classes with undergrads… especially since there are so few people taking further studies in Mathematics. If I do plan to go for a Phd, however I think I have a to write a thesis and take a regular Phd degree(42 units) OR take a straight program(69 units).

This term(Sept-Dec 07), I am taking 9 units, or 3 subjects. I have Calculus 1 with freshmen Math majors, Discrete Mathematics with freshmen, repeaters and graduate students (math majors) under the College of Science, and Statistics with graduate students who major in Math, Chemistry or Biology.  The Stats is starting to be more like Biostatistics because I have Biology major classmates.  My classmates range from 16 or 17 year old freshies to graduate students who are high school or undergrad teachers.

At 26, I am still looking for myself.  I’ve crossed the bridge from the arts to the sciences by taking a Masters in Mathematics.  Of course, Digital Illustration and Animation is already an attractive blend of left brain and right brain thinking.  However, I want to know what it is like to explore in detail one of my other interests. As if to vindicate my choice, I took an online ability test and scored highest in numerical ability.  I have lived my life with the knowledge that I have a higher verbal ability.  I always strive to write and express myself.  I know how to read French and Spanish; I also speak a little of both. I am probably criticized by some for apparently leaving my blue-blooded Atenean brothers and sisters by enrolling into De La Salle University for my Masters.  I do not see anything wrong with it.  It is primarily because I live in the City of Manila, not in Quezon City.

I will always owe my animation and leadership skills to Ateneo, along with the best years of my life.  I also met my husband in Ateneo where we both represented Ateneo de Naga in the Ayala Young Leaders Congress (we both made it nationally) and the Ten Outstanding Students of the Philippines (he made it to the national top 30, I made it to Regional finals).  If I get a career in banking or the academe and it is related to Math, I will owe LaSalle.  I also appreciate the experience of going to classes with undergraduates who are eight years younger, and with graduate student/teachers who are years older.

I hope that this is it.  At the moment, I am concentrating in my studies but once I get used to it, I will most likely look for a full time job.(hoping to graduate next year)

I am not Superwoman, nor do I pretend to be her. Ok, I do love pretending to be her.  But here I am still human, and physically weaker than many human beings at that.  I have experienced my physical low this week when I attempted something that only very mentally and physically strong,or overly ambitious, or crazy people will do…think working and going to school at a total of 12 hours a day,Monday to Saturday and add up the commute and the walking(at least rich entrepreneurs move from place to place in their limos and private jets; I have to run on heels engulfed in the familiar polluted Metro Manila air to stand the whole way in trains, and sit in cramped jeepneys, sweat trickling down my back combined with droplets from my still wet hair and my stomach grumbling because I have not yet eaten breakfast…)

Here’s the deal.  (especially to my former DIA students)…Metro Manila does not mean higher wages.  My present job is half my teaching salary, and less than half my tuition(9 units only, in DLSU).  So do not be surprised if I quit THE JOB and continue studying.

So I thought to myself: why not go back to the gothic attitude (androgynous, lazy, self-indulgent, angsty) I had in high school? Nah.  Won’t be a superhero but won’t be a moper either.  I am looking for part-time writing or illustrating jobs…something I can do before I graduate (hopefully I will get my Masters in August or December 2008).  If you know of any part time stints I can be a part of, lemme know. Thanks

Life is so stressful lately…I mean I always complain about this but lately has been a total test of my mental, emotional and physical limits.  I am taking 9 units of masters in mathematics (think calculus, discrete math and stats) and I am working 8 hours from Mondays to Fridays, 6 hours on Saturdays writing abstracts(summaries) of journals about anything(archeology, biology, politics, business, orthopedics, news, art, literature, philosophy, etc)…SO I am at work a minimum of 8 hours and a maximum of 12 hours a  day. I wonder if I will ever have a baby with this kind of stress.  So many unmarried couples and even teens are having babies left and right, and here am I married for almost five months, still hoping…Anyway, my husband is also very busy in Naga City working on events for the Penafrancia fiesta. He probably will be here in October…That’s it for now. I will update you all if I ever survive my "fun-filled" schedule.

you find out too late that there is no one else to depend on but yourself…as you look at the many strange faces that pass you by all hurrying to get to destinations they wont be talking to you about…the dimness of your eyes as you go through another day trying to catch a distant dream makes you press your nails on your palms. it was a lesson that you have learned. whatever pain you feel is erased by another one…you have never fainted but you do not want that to happen for the first time.you are afraid to lose control more than you are afraid to die. as the train speeds on, you see a myriad of reflections on the glass windows…blank faces made weary, merging into one somber and strange, empathetic cluster thrust against a background of frenzied activity.but.you will go home alone, wondering if the continuity of the sameness will make you want to fly…a dove who seeks for peace.not like the predatory vultures the world has too many of.

It’s difficult if you want to fly higher than those above you

                or if you want to walk faster than those ahead of you

                if you cannot find a vehicle to your destination

                plagued with traffics and delays

                these are your everydays

                you stay