Unloading.Analyzing.Speaking to Myself?

Playground schoolbell rings again Rainclouds come to play again Has no one told you she’s not breathing? Hello, I’m your mind Giving you someone to talk to Hello If I smile and don’t believe Soon I know I’ll wake from this dream Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken Hello, I’m the lie Living for you so you can hide Don’t cry Suddenly I know I’m not sleeping Hello, I’m still here All that’s left of yesterday

This place feels so unfamiliar
And yet I know it well
I think I used to belong here
But the only way I can tell
Is that I miss you still
And I cannot find you here
You left me tattered and torn
Just like that sweet Spanish doll

(Sweet spanish sweet spanish… doll)

I went down to the alley way
(Sierra la Bonita)
And found that you were gone
Spanish doll: si nunca tes fueres (if you had never left)
You left no word no message
I still don’t know exactly what went wrong
Spanish doll: la grima (tears)
But now no matter where I go
I always seem to return
Spanish doll: busca me (find me)
To where you left me tattered and torn
Spanish doll: you so rompido mi muneca (I am torn my sweet doll)

Just like that sweet spanish doll

(Sweet spanish sweet spanish…doll)

A memory guilded in red and gold
Spanish doll: del oro (of gold also pain)
Beauty guarded and never sold
Spanish doll: cuida me (protect me)
I keep it with me wherever I go
And I love you still
No matter how a story will unfold
Spanish doll: requerda me (remember me)
You know I always will
Have part of you here
In this souvenir
This sweet spanish doll

A stranger in this world without you
Is all that I can ever be
All I know that’s pure and clear
You left it with me here
In this souvenier
spanish…spanish…spanish…spanish…..doll

sweet…spanish…sweet

Father:
We hear of a lovely daughter, shot down in her mistaken[ flight, unaware yet
how her life will be affected by this experience.

Daughter :
Why is it a house of leaves?

my brother is home for the week…and i am really really happy about it..BUT he has a flight to Manila on Monday, New Year’s Day as he is assigned to another hospital for his PT internship…oh well…it really is hard when you have only one sibling and the two of you are very close…but as we grow up, get older we will form our own families…will miss him but this time it will only be for two months. he will be back in March

the last time that i was here i was only twelve years old and 75 lbs.  now 13 years later and 28 lbs more im back…in December! Brr…but like all those years ago, there is no heater!!!Have to wash my hair by the sink…boil water for my bath…but the breathtaking scenery makes up for it, and the fact that i am with my only brother and also, my honey…

my brother, Richard started his internship at SLU last December 4. His last day of duty is tomorrow, the 23rd.  Donald and I arrived here just early this morning, from Manila.  On the 24th, we hope to be back in Manila early in the morning so that we can spend Christmas Eve there…

i need a vacation…seriously…and i am afraid to complain of exhaustion because i was more physically stressed out as a student…but i do go home beat and weary, and i can barely get up in the mornings. the airconditioner that i turn on the whole night is not much help. i sometimes want to stay under the covers…

i remind myself of my responsibilities…that i did not take my job at gun point. i honestly wanted to experience being a teacher.for now anyway. there were so many reasons for me wanting to teach for a year: my honey being in Naga, my brother spending so much because of his internship(so i didnt want to bother my mom and dad about me moving as well), the need to know what its like to be the one teaching (seeing the other side), wanting to appreciate my past teachers more, sharing…being given time to think before moving on to life outside adnu

however, there are reasons for me to go as well: my brother moving to manila next year for medical school, desire to take additional subjects, personal reasons, my mom getting an operation (she has a cyst in her breast and i am given the task of taking care of her; my dad cant go home to the Philippines with her next year because of work), desire to become a writer/illustrator/publisher…its time to move to get everything done. I will be 26 next year

and oh yeah…holidays…will be in baguio with my honey and my brother (who is doing his internship there) then manila… its taking a break that will probably lead to another problem…weight gain hehe

i have a confession to make…im composing this post in class. im watching my students do their prelims…

Typhoon reming or "durian" as it was known internationally had wreaked havoc in the Bicol region…the deaths in Albay and the damage throughout Camarines Sur, Catanduanes and again, Albay were devastating, and somehow unexpected–at least for me who always gets the news later than most.

I presently live in Naga City…in a cemented apartment.  Still, I felt the effects of the raging typhoon; one window was broken, "the gutter-pipe?" was torn off and water flooded the kitchen and living room…but I know it was nothing compared to what had happened to other Bicolanos…My laundry-woman’s house was completely destroyed.  She made her children live with the neighbors, while she and her husband had to watch their belongings and sleep without a roof to shelter them.

There are so many other stories, of grief and loss.  There are also those of survival, thank God.  I cannot tell their stories well enough to make anyone reading this really feel what those people had gone through: we, who still go home to houses with roofs and who has not lost anyone. 

There are relief drives, people who help out.  On the other hand, there are those who take advantage of the situation with soaring prices for nipa, candles, and other necessities during the aftermath.  Some people still manage to step on people who are already down!

After the storm, life goes on for so many.  Electricity is back in so many houses in Camarines Sur.  But we know how lonely Christmas day can be for those whose lines are still down.  Maybe, just maybe, this time we will realize that Christmas is not about all the decor, all the food and the gifts that we get.  Just as a debut is not about balls and gowns but about coming into age.  Just as a wedding is not about lace and flowers, but of a union blessed by God.  Christmas is about the celebration of the birth of Christ through loving and giving.